Car and train jokes
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A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere picks up a hitch-hiker.
It gets dark and the hitch-hiker falls asleep. Suddenly bang, and the
hitch-hiker wakes up,"what the hell was that?". The truck driver
replies, "some kinda animal, go back to sleep."
Further the same thing again, bang, "What the hell was that?",
"some kinda animal again."
Further into the night, bang, bang, bang, "What the hell was that?",
"Some bastard!". "How terrible",says the hitch-hiker, "but there were
The truck driver replies, "Yeah, well I had to go through two fences
to get the bastard. . ."
A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road.
A woman was driving down the same road.
As they passed each other, the woman leaned out the
window and yelled, "Pig!"
The man immediately leaned out his window and replied,
They continue on their way and as the man rounded the
next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the
A man is driving down the road for a long period of time. During
his travel, he sees a priest with a gas can hitch hiking, so he
gladly picks him up he says,"Normally father, i dont pick up hitch
hikers. You seem like a man of dignity so i thought id make an exception.
In fact i hate hitch hikers. The priest nods his head and they drive on
Along the way, The driver spots another man hitch hiking. "that dirty son
of %$#%#% ill fix him". He then swirves the car and tries to make the hit
and run like an accident. Dang! i missed. The priests yells,"Don't worry
i got him with the gas can!"
A young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss
sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but
come evening he's half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB
radio to check if he's all right.
"I've got a problem, Boss. I'm stuck 'ere. I've hit a pig!"
"Ah well, these things happen sometimes," the boss says.
"Just drag the carcass off the road so nobody else hits it in the
"But he's not dead, boss. He's gotten tangled up on the bull
bar, and I've tried to untangle him, but he's kicking and
squealing, and he's real big boss. I'm afraid he's gonna hurt
"Never mind," says the boss. "There's a .303 under the tarp in
the back. Get that out and shoot him. Then drag the carcass
off the road and come on home."
Another half an hour goes by, but there's still not a peep from
the young fella. The boss gets back on the CB. "What's the
"Well, I did what you said boss, but I'm still stuck."
"What's up? Did you drag the pig off the road like I said?"
"Yeah boss, but his motorcycle is still jammed under the
A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and
knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and
he asked her for directions to Des Moines.
"Don't know," the woman said.
He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices.
He looked in his rearview mirror and saw the woman and an
equally old man waving for him to come back. So he made a U-
turn and drove up to them.
"This is my husband," the old woman said. "He doesn't know
how to get to Des Moines either."
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